


No One Else

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, M/M, a whole bunch of talking and feelings. no one is surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23080081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: A fic about saying what you want and who you want.“He’s almost annoyed at the accusation. Surely he knows how deep Phil feels this. How every single aspect of his life feels heightened when it comes to Dan.”
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 39
Kudos: 162





	No One Else

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calvinahobbes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/gifts).



> Happy birthday Cal!!! <33

Phil’s been staring at the ceiling in his room for 27 minutes.

It’s dark out. His parents are asleep. The house is quiet.

Normally, this is his favorite part of the day. This is when he usually gets uninterrupted Dan time until they both can’t physically stay awake. Not that they don’t communicate in one way or another throughout the day anyway, but this time is sacred. It feels special.

Apparently, it's not sacred to _everyone_. 

He checks his phone again to see if there’s been a new message since he started this pity party. Nope. Nothing.

To be fair, he did tell Dan to go out and have fun. He tried to sound as casual as possible when Dan told him his plans to get completely wasted with his mates and have an ‘ epic night of debauchery’ as he put it. 

It’s fine.

Phil’s over that part of his life now. He’s graduated and on his way to being a proper adult. Dan’s only just turned 18, he’s only just begun that phase of his life.

Well, not _just_ begun. Dan’s told him enough tales of drunken nights out and one night stands to know this isn’t exactly new for him.

He just thought maybe things would be a little different now. Thought he and Dan were on the same page about what this is steadily becoming. Maybe that was stupid. Dan is gorgeous and funny and everyone on the internet seems to have noticed.

Not that Phil doesn’t get his fair share of compliments and online admirers, he just can’t help but feel a touch possessive over what is objectively the fittest guy he’s ever seen giving him the kind of attention he spent his entire uni career pining after.

Finally, as if by some kind of psychic connection where Dan can sense his mopiness, he gets a text. 

Dan<3: _zomg theres a dog at this party. leaving in a sec if u wanna skype :]_  
Dan<3: _is it weird to say i miss u_  
Dan<3: _sry im drunk XD_

_Lol having fun?_  
_Did you pet the dog ^.^_

He’s almost done deleting and retyping what he hopes to be a casual but sincere “I miss you too” message when Dan sends another string of texts

Dan<3: _he was so fluffy D:_  
Dan<3: _yh is good lol got a mega hickey_  
Dan<3: _sum1 spilled beer on my jeans :/ gunna have to take them off ;]_

Phil doesn’t have enough emotional capacity to respond to the rest of the texts. What is he supposed to say to that? He’s not good at this stuff. He’s not skilled at naming what he’s feeling. He’s spent his entire life pushing down these kinds of complex emotions, but whatever’s causing the knots to form in his stomach is not good. 

Dan is not his boyfriend. They’re not exclusive. Well..they haven’t had that talk. Phil technically is exclusive because he’s stuck back in his hometown and has effectively shoved himself back in the closet for the time being. It’s not like Rawtenstall has a lively gay scene, and even if it did, he wouldn’t risk it. 

Plus, he spends all his free time talking to Dan. 

If he’s being honest with himself, he hasn’t really even thought about anyone else since Dan came barreling into his life and seemingly took over his every waking thought for the past two months. 

It feels like something real. It feels like more than a casual fling. It feels like the thought of Dan kissing anyone who isn't him is almost too painful to imagine. 

He’s not mad that he did..whatever he did with whoever he did it with. He knows there have been mixed signals and they’re both pretty shit at communicating what they want. Sometimes he wishes he could talk to his mum about this stuff, she’d know what to do. 

Apparently enough time has lapsed since his spiral started that Dan has made it home and to his room. Because Phil has just received a picture message of a nearly naked Dan pouting at the camera with the caption _favourite shirt ruined by drunk twats :[_

He has to say something. He wants to say something. Emotional crisis or not, seeing Dan like that will never not have an affect on him. But now there’s an added squirmy feeling. What if someone else saw him like that tonight. What if they got to experience all those things that Dan is particularly talented at while Phil sat at home like a loser only being able to daydream of them until the next time he has Dan to himself. 

_o.0_  
_that sucks tho_  
_cant skpye rn sorry. headache :/_

It’s a legitimate excuse. Dan knows him well enough to have seen how debilitating his headaches can be. Phil just won't comment on the fact that the pain behind his eyes may be caused by other factors tonight. He just doesn’t have the strength to put on a brave face and spend what will surely be a minimum of two hours looking at a mark someone else gave him and pretend like it doesn't feel like a knife to the gut. 

Dan<3: _oh ok. r u mad :[ did i fuck up_  
Dan<3: _fuck phil im sorry please tell me whats going on_

Dan always gets a little bit more dramatic when he’s been drinking, but Phil can’t stand the thought of him being upset when he’s the one being a mopey dickhead.

So he calls him. 

Dan picks up on the first ring and before he can even say hello, Phil lets everything that’s been building up for the few hours..hell..the past few weeks out. 

“Look I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. You didn’t do anything, Dan and I don’t want you to feel like you fucked up. I’m just being an idiot and obviously you’re allowed to kiss whoever you want because obviously it was stupid to think you’d want just m-“

Dan shouts over his rambling. “Phil!”

He releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Phil didn’t even know he had all of that in him.

Dan continues. “Is that what this is about? Phil, I was trying to wind you up. It didn’t even mean anything. Like...I don’t give a fuck about anyone else. I just didn’t want to be a pathetic loser if you were out banging all your other fanboys.”

“What?! No. Why would you...I don’t talk to anyone like I talk to you. Where is this coming from?”

“I dunno js’figured you were still seeing other people. Like...everyone talks about you and wants you.” Dan sighs deep into the receiver like he’s been holding in more than Phil has. “You could have anyone and I’m a fucking wreck. You make me feel so much it’s scary. I didn’t want to get too invested if you still thought of me as a booty call or something.”

He’s almost annoyed at the accusation. Surely he knows how deep Phil feels this. How every single aspect of his life feels heightened when it comes to Dan. 

“Dan, I don’t want anyone. I want you. Like...just you. I lo-“ He lets out an unintentional sniff. “Dan, it’s just you. I haven’t seen anyone else in months.”

“Say it.” Dan is quiet. “Please say it.” 

He almost sounds like he’s crying too and Phil’s never hated himself more for refusing to Skype. 

“I love you, Dan.” He wants to simultaneously throw up and jump on his bed. 

“I love you too, idiot. So much. More than I probably should. I don’t deserve you.”

They’ve said it before in passing. When there was always an undercurrent of it being a joke, in casual tweets or late nights always followed by a laugh. 

Not now. He said it. He said it and he meant it. 

Phil wants to say it again, and then every day of his life until Dan believes him. 

He lets a wet laugh come out. He didn’t even realize the tears finally breaking through. “I thought it was obvious. You are about to spend a week living with me.”

Dan’s voice sounds similar to his own. Fragile but still elated. “So what? Are you like...my boyfriend now?” 

“If you want.” He covers his face with his hands and he lays back on the bed. 

“Do you?” 

“Dan, I just told you I loved you because I was crying over you kissing another bloke. Yeah. I want that.” He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so many emotions at one time. 

Phil doesn’t think he’s ever been so direct in his life, but Dan makes him do things he never thought he could. It makes him want to be more than he thought he could. 

“Boyfriends.” Dan whispers over the phone, and Phil is reminded by his giggles that he’s probably still relatively drunk. 

“Yeah.” His voice is low and soft, the one that only comes out for Dan now. “No one else.”

Dan yawns and Phil knows that’s the first signal that he’s got less than 20 minutes before he’s out for good. “Hey, Phil.”

He hums in acknowledgement, suddenly aware of his own exhaustion from both the time on the clock and the emotional energy he’s just expelled. 

“I can’t wait to spend a week with my fit boyfriend.”

They’re both giggling like idiots and Phil’s face feels hot from all the blushing. 

“Go to sleep, dork.”

Dan sounds like he’s already halfway there when he whispers “Love you.” 

Yeah, he can get used to Dan saying that. 

“Love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/612114208518275072/no-one-else-t-16k-summary-a-fic-about-saying) :)


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